You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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