You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
