They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
