She is in my trunk
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
