i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
