DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Randomize
