she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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