he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
