i barfeds in our rink
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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