Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
