i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
