Porn is love you can see.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
