Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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