Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
