We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
