We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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