i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
