so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
