How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize