I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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