no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
