im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
