Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
