If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
