Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
