I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
