Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
