So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
