My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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