Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
