I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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