Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
