Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
