I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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