4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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