I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
