Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
