why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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