Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Non-Jews are for practice
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
