Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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