if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
