I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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