WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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