my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
