your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
