new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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