he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
