If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
