So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
