never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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