don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize