I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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