I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
