farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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