I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
