You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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