Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
