the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
