Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
