If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
