My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
