I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
