My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
