I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
