I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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