Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
