I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
